Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
