Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
