don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
