if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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