his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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