You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
