You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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