I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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