i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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