Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
