He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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