My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
