I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
