O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
