It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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