I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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