I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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