i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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