my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
