I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
