went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
