Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
