She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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