its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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