I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
