I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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