Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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