How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
