I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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