My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
honey bunches of taint.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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