there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
