mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
