She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have demons in me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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