I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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