is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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