the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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