is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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