your parents love me but you hate me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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