weddingsv make me drug and hornr
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
