so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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