"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
