I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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