oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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