Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
