my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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