sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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