batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
