if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
