dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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