had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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