remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Still dying that you shit outside
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
