I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
