Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
