its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
