Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
