wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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