im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
