so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
