nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
