I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
