Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
