im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just high enough for therapy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
