The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
