dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
