I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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