Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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