i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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