Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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