Its about making memories worth repressing
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
