Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
