Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
