I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it glows. i had to have it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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