if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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